maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
