Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
