I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
