DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
