my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
