so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
