you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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