Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
