i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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