i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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