i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
