I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
just tell him i said nine months
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
