theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize