Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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