So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
