how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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