I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
