he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
