That's intense
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
