I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
