absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
