Don't you send me to vm
Need sex. Gaining weight.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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