On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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