i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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