well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
