i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
P.S. I can't hear my feet
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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