she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
