is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
