That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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