U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
