the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
