Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
