When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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