if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I wanna passion pit in your ass
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
