so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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