Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize