I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
