I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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