I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
