Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
