I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
