When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
