And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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