but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
