I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
