I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
