Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
