apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
