1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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