we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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