he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
