I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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