I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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