So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
