Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
