Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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