if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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