dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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