did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
