dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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