She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
