who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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