and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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