I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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