She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
