I was born with a shot glass in my hand
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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