I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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