When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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