I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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