are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
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