is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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