you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
