cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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