so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
