Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
