dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
